There is some stigma around being single, especially as you get older and your friends are getting married and starting families. Conversations at family events become about what you plan to do with your life and if you hope to ever be married or “how many cats do you have now?” (by the way I still only have the 1).
There are videos becoming viral about “single life vs. married life” as more and more people are opting to be single but there’s still a sense about it that ‘those people’ are living like spinsters as if our society still hasn’t quite escaped the 20s.
But after being perpetually single (with one long-term relationship in the midst) for about 5 or 6 years now, it’s safe to say that I’m comfortable in my own space, routines, and habits. I wouldn’t claim to be an introvert per se but a good night for me is curled up on the couch with some wine and a good movie.
There are definite upsides to being single and living alone. I can do my chores when I damn well feel like it – I have no desire to live in a sty but I don’t have anyone to please (or offend) either. I don’t have to shave, dress up, or wear anything ‘nicer’ than my comfiest pants and over-sized sweater – my cat has no problem with it. I can watch what I want, when I want, without having to take votes or fight over the remote. Weekend can be spent in bed with a book or out exploring the market selections without needing to accommodate plans with someone else’s family or errands or hunting around some box store for something to make your next cocktail party a hit.
Basically, I don’t have to fit into anybody else’s puzzle but my own. I can actively chase my dreams or spend hours in the covers of a book and it’s solely my choice with no effect on someone else’s plans.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not cynical or against relationships and of course what I mentioned above isn’t at all how most relationships truly are…those are just some of the ‘upsides’ off the top of my head.
But there comes a time when you know there’s more. When you want to travel and bring someone to share the experience. When you don’t want to be the 3rd wheel or ‘lone ranger’ at the dinner table. There comes a time when you want deep conversations that pour into the wee hours and Sunday morning dances in the kitchen. When you want to make someone laugh and have someone to play with. When strolling through the park on a summer day and laying in the grass reading just to be close to one another sounds like a possibility more than just a scene from the latest indie flick.
There comes a time when you’re not necessarily tired of being single, but you’re ready to make space and mesh with someone else’s puzzle.
Ideally, you could have the best of both worlds but in every healthy relationship there is compromise. And that isn’t a bad thing.
I can keep dreaming and playing, but maybe there will be someone else who I can inspire to dream bigger, who can introduce me to new adventures, and who can share stories and moments.